Anais Nin came to mind.
A disciplined writer who attended to her task daily. I always visualise her in the big house of Louveciennes where she lived for a while; for someone like me who resents routine, such dedication is hard to conceive.
I know why - because I am not a writer.
I love writing when it is for myself. Writing for an imaginary reader takes some time to get accustomed to the thought. Would he / she / them start becoming curious and interested?
Now is the time.
Back in 2015 while I was completing my Master in Ayurvedic medicine, I was practicing art mainly at home, I had very little time to go to my studio. All I wanted to do was draw and paint crossroads, as if through my work I could be shown the direction to take. Eventually after a couple of years my series on crossroads faded away, and my path remained unclear. All the chimeric roads that I had created seemed hazardous, or failed to awaken enough enthusiasm within me.
Recently I found some of these drawings while clearing and moving everything out of my studio, before relocating all my work and art materials to a local storage.
I had filed them in the large folder labelled ‘Drawings to recycle’, with the intention to cut them up or used them as a support for collage. I was no longer interested in crossroads.
I made many mistakes.
A couple of days ago as I was clearing space at home to make some art (a new routine while being still without a studio) I pulled out these crossroads drawings, I looked at them, and this time the answer was clear. The only direction to take was to be myself, to be completely truthful with my intentions, totally honest with the earnest longing for recognition, modest in my communication, decisive with my guidance. There was no external path to choose amongst several, the path was already within me waiting to be acknowledged. It was while looking at this drawing in particular that I had this realisation.
At this moment I felt that there was a BEFORE, and a NOW!
Browsing through my old work, I can see how many times I have represented highways, paths, crossroads; each time hoping to decipher the answer to my query: where to go next?
Now whenever I catch myself wondering if I should do this or go there, I instantly remember that all I have to do is allow myself to be in tune with the pulse of life, and merge with what is being created continuously. All paths then become fascinating and exhilarating, especially when they start weaving together. This weaving cosmic action is the essence of Tantra. Of this, I will speak about another time.
All artwork and text ©Marianne Simonin